#8: Idie Claire: People ARE Funny
Horsin' Around
Some people get by ... I never did (sigh)
when horsin' around.
Things show on my face. Blush, I feel disgrace
when horsin' around.
It's said what you do ... will return, haunt you.
Learned the hard way ... true.
Others can monkey; bray like a donkey ...
they've no earnest face.
When happy, I grin; when torn, grimace, spin.
My beauty ... 'has been.'
I tend to 'hee-haw.' Nobody goes 'ahhhhhhhh'
when ones' face is a 'horse.'
They nod, secret 'shouts' ... you're horsin' about!
My mate left, of course.
Cursed, deeply, with curves, nervous, on the verge,
I broke all vows ... words.
My punishment worn, on my face borne,
the guise of a horse.
Believe me ... I know ... that our sins DO show!
Won't change course, half-horse, still men come around.
Don't look UP but DOWN.
My beau is half-hound!
Some people get by ... I never did (sigh)
when horsin' around.
Things show on my face, leave me in disgrace ...
some things are profound.
when horsin' around.
Things show on my face. Blush, I feel disgrace
when horsin' around.
It's said what you do ... will return, haunt you.
Learned the hard way ... true.
Others can monkey; bray like a donkey ...
they've no earnest face.
When happy, I grin; when torn, grimace, spin.
My beauty ... 'has been.'
I tend to 'hee-haw.' Nobody goes 'ahhhhhhhh'
when ones' face is a 'horse.'
They nod, secret 'shouts' ... you're horsin' about!
My mate left, of course.
Cursed, deeply, with curves, nervous, on the verge,
I broke all vows ... words.
My punishment worn, on my face borne,
the guise of a horse.
Believe me ... I know ... that our sins DO show!
Won't change course, half-horse, still men come around.
Don't look UP but DOWN.
My beau is half-hound!
Some people get by ... I never did (sigh)
when horsin' around.
Things show on my face, leave me in disgrace ...
some things are profound.
It's Alive
Thanksgiving of 1955 was near. Thus Mom, a widow since 1953, filled out LOTS of entry forms in a grocery store contest as the First prize was a huge, Thanksgiving turkey!
Mom was SO excited when they called to say she'd won!
She quickly drove to the store to pick up her 'prize' but, upon her return, she appeared a bit 'unsettled'. With both hands she pulled a huge, white, wiggling sack out of the passenger's side of her car. She 'bumped' the door shut with her left hip.
We six kids, age 18 months to ten years, stood stumped. "Where's the turkey, Mom? What's in the bag?"
Although Mom was thirty-eight then, she'd never killed a living thing for food before but, desperate times call for desperate measures.
Our neighbor's son, Jimmy, who'd babysat us, ignoring us and our questions, went out to talk to Mom and then came back in.
"It's alive! They gave you guys a LIVE turkey!" Helen, 10, and me, 8, darted toward the door but Jimmy caught us.
"You can watch out the windows but your Mom doesn't want any of you outside. Turkeys are mean critters when they're fighting for their lives."
"Is that called a **** fight?" I asked without knowing what a '**** fight' was.
"No, but it might as well be." Jimmy smiled as he hurried us to the side of the house where it was fenced in.
"Let's watch."
Mom took the turkey to a tree stump where an ax was hewn, picked up the ax and laid the whole bag up on the stump.
Obviously, she didn't know how to get the turkey to stick his head out so she opened the drawstring a bit, stuck her hand in and quickly pulled something out. She'd raised the ax with her right hand while the left one held the squirming body part down. Alas, it was his feet so she stuffed them quickly back in the bag and pulled out a wing!
We kids and Jimmy were clutching our stomachs ... laughing. It was hilarious!
Finally she had the turkey by the neck and, just as we were about to turn our heads, the turkey jerked off of the tree stump! Stumbling around in the bag, momentarily, with Mom chasing it with an upraised axe. The poor thing looked frantic!
Mom, stomping one foot on the closed end of the floor sack, almost caught him! But, seeing as how the bag was held down, the turkey bolted out of it.
He gobbled, pecked at Mom's ankles and tried his best to fly.
Swinging an ax is hard and with all of the near misses, Mom's arms were aching. She thrust it back into the tree stump and took off running after that stubborn bird.
Having HAD IT, Mom finally got close enough to FALL on him! Wiggling frantically, the turkey left her grasping a handful of feathers.
Mad, Mom tore a forked branch off a nearby tree and finally was able to pin him down by plunging it around his neck. While he was pinned down, Mom reached over, grasped his neck, removed the forked limb and began swinging the turkey around in a circle in front of her. She broke his neck!
Our mouths fell open as we watched, stunned.
Mom swung him at least a dozen times and when she finally laid him back on the tree stump, his head hung limply over the side.
Jimmy closed the curtain, shooed us away and dried our tears.
We'd been cheering for the turkey to LIVE even if our bellies weren't full. Watching him struggle for his life and losing it affected us all. Never again have we had a LIVE one!
Mom was SO excited when they called to say she'd won!
She quickly drove to the store to pick up her 'prize' but, upon her return, she appeared a bit 'unsettled'. With both hands she pulled a huge, white, wiggling sack out of the passenger's side of her car. She 'bumped' the door shut with her left hip.
We six kids, age 18 months to ten years, stood stumped. "Where's the turkey, Mom? What's in the bag?"
Although Mom was thirty-eight then, she'd never killed a living thing for food before but, desperate times call for desperate measures.
Our neighbor's son, Jimmy, who'd babysat us, ignoring us and our questions, went out to talk to Mom and then came back in.
"It's alive! They gave you guys a LIVE turkey!" Helen, 10, and me, 8, darted toward the door but Jimmy caught us.
"You can watch out the windows but your Mom doesn't want any of you outside. Turkeys are mean critters when they're fighting for their lives."
"Is that called a **** fight?" I asked without knowing what a '**** fight' was.
"No, but it might as well be." Jimmy smiled as he hurried us to the side of the house where it was fenced in.
"Let's watch."
Mom took the turkey to a tree stump where an ax was hewn, picked up the ax and laid the whole bag up on the stump.
Obviously, she didn't know how to get the turkey to stick his head out so she opened the drawstring a bit, stuck her hand in and quickly pulled something out. She'd raised the ax with her right hand while the left one held the squirming body part down. Alas, it was his feet so she stuffed them quickly back in the bag and pulled out a wing!
We kids and Jimmy were clutching our stomachs ... laughing. It was hilarious!
Finally she had the turkey by the neck and, just as we were about to turn our heads, the turkey jerked off of the tree stump! Stumbling around in the bag, momentarily, with Mom chasing it with an upraised axe. The poor thing looked frantic!
Mom, stomping one foot on the closed end of the floor sack, almost caught him! But, seeing as how the bag was held down, the turkey bolted out of it.
He gobbled, pecked at Mom's ankles and tried his best to fly.
Swinging an ax is hard and with all of the near misses, Mom's arms were aching. She thrust it back into the tree stump and took off running after that stubborn bird.
Having HAD IT, Mom finally got close enough to FALL on him! Wiggling frantically, the turkey left her grasping a handful of feathers.
Mad, Mom tore a forked branch off a nearby tree and finally was able to pin him down by plunging it around his neck. While he was pinned down, Mom reached over, grasped his neck, removed the forked limb and began swinging the turkey around in a circle in front of her. She broke his neck!
Our mouths fell open as we watched, stunned.
Mom swung him at least a dozen times and when she finally laid him back on the tree stump, his head hung limply over the side.
Jimmy closed the curtain, shooed us away and dried our tears.
We'd been cheering for the turkey to LIVE even if our bellies weren't full. Watching him struggle for his life and losing it affected us all. Never again have we had a LIVE one!
